I am waiting at the moment to hear whether I will be able to have the monoclonal antibody cetuximab. I am cheered by the finding in European Journal of Cancer that response to cetuximab does not depend on previous response to irinotecan, since my response to that drug was not splendid,
I quote, "these findings indicate that the efficacy of irinotecan plus cetuximab in MCRC patients with wild-type KRAS did not differ by previous sensitivity to irinotecan".
I have been waiting for 2 weeks for news and I rang the oncologist this morning to ask him to chase it up.
I am up one day and down the next. Partially, it is the dexamethasone that makes me emotionally labile. I had a weepy day yesterday as I contemplated the things I had left undone. At the end of Schindler's List, Liam Neeson has a scene where he looks at his luxury car and his gold ring and thinks of how many more Jews these could have bought. "I could have done more," he exclaims.
That is how I felt. I told this to Dr John when he visited and he reassured me. None of us can ever do enough. We mustn't reproach ourselves.
Today I am much more cheerful. I went out for the first time in 2 weeks and bought some flowers for my wife. The Scripture tells us not to be weary in well-doing. The Restaurant where we had the reception for my daughter's wedding 2 years ago has just gone bankrupt; I guess they did not market aggressively enough and charged too little. Another shop in our parade has closed. I was glad to patronize the little florist shop. It is a splendid feeling to be able to help out. Some of us with savings should be spreading our wealth around at the present time.
In a rash moment I had bought tickets to see my granddaughter in a school musical tomorrow, but it is a two hour drive and I shall not be well enough to go. Let's hope that the cetuximab will work and I will be able to do these sorts of things again. If I get any sort of response I shall seize the day.