Friday, June 04, 2010

The Blathereen

As an avid BBC watcher I have uncovered a sinister plot to take over the world. Has it escaped your notice that several of their reporters are morbidly obese? I give you for example Gary O'Donoghue
, whom we often see lingering in Downing Street. That's Gary in the left hand picture on the right with his partner, Sarah and daughter, Lucy.

Then there is the BBC political reporter who covers Scottish affairs, Brian Taylor

Mark Mardell who once gorged himself on Brussels sprouts is now making do with more substantial American portions. Even Huw Edwards is a possible.

Finally there is the grand old daddy of them all, John Simpson, the World Affairs correspondent.

What nobody realizes is that they are Slitheens, the monsters featured in the science fiction series, 'Dr Who', these monsters, are a family of massive, bipedal extraterrestrials of living calcium, hatched from eggs and native to the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius. Raxacoricofallapatorians are eight feet tall with long forearms and powerful claws. They do not appear to have eyelids, but have a nictitating membrane. They have a highly-developed sense of smell, able to track a single target across a few city blocks, smell adrenaline and hormones in people, and can sense if one of their own dies. Female Raxacoricofallapatorians can produce poisons within their bodies which they then use against their enemies. Known methods of delivery include a poisoned dart that is formed in the finger and then fired and exhalation of poisoned breath.

The Slitheen disguise themselves by fitting into the skins of their victims, using compression fields created by a collar worn around their necks to squeeze their huge size into a slightly smaller space. The degree of compression is limited so that they seek out obese people to inhabit. The exchange of gases that compression entails also builds up within the acquired skin, causing a condition similar to flatulence in humans (the expelled gas smells like bad breath, which the Doctor noted was a form of calcium decay).

Members of the Slitheen family have green skin, though there is variation in the skin tone of other Raxacoricofallapatorian families. In the 'Dr Who' spin-off, 'The Sarah Jane Adventures', Sarah Jane encounters a different family of Raxacoricofallapatorians, the Blathereen, who have orange skins. I suspect that BBC reporters, famous for their blather, are inhabited by Blathereen.

It does seem that Raxacoricofallapatorian technology has moved on so that they can now occupy the skins of short thin people. They still emit a lot of hot air, however, so it's anyone's guess where they have got to now.


justme said...

Too funny! :)

Anonymous said...

Doctor H. - have you been at the Laphroaig?