Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts

Friday, February 05, 2010

Suffering in Haiti

How could an all powerful, all loving God allow 150,000 people in Haiti to die in an earthquake? Pat Robinson thinks that it’s because of their sinful involvement with voodoo. That, of course, is nonsense. Even if they were the most terrible sinners around, God doesn’t act like that and in any case, despite the influence of voodoo, Haiti is one of the most Christian countries in the world. And, Pat Robinson, it is estimated by the publication ‘Operation World’ that 30% of the population are evangelical Christians, just like you are supposed to be.

Remember how Jesus was confronted by questioners who asked about some Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices?

Jesus answered, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish." (Luke 13:1-5)

Bad things happen to good people, and it is nothing to do with how sinful they have been. It’s not that they have secret undeclared sins. Of course, there are natural consequences of sin. If you sleep around you are more likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease, but the child with congenital syphilis is not to blame for his sickness. Many very sinful people prosper in this world – their criminal behaviour allows them to escape just punishment.

But consider this. An earthquake of similar magnitude happened in California. Fewer than 70 people died. Why the difference? California has buildings that don’t fall down when the earth quivers. California has sophisticated medical services. California has helicopters and trained rescue teams. Haiti has none of these. California is rich; Haiti is poor. If you read my previous article on Haiti you will see some of the reasons why this is so.

Nobody likes talking about death; it’s called the last enemy. Some deaths we accept as natural and necessary. When an old lady of 109 passes, we are likely to murmur some platitude like, “She had a good innings,” or, “It was a happy release.” A few weeks ago, in one of those violent Muslim countries, a security guard was killed stopping a suicide bomber gaining access to a crowded area. His death was heroic and although tragic, we thought that his death had a purpose. But all those pointless deaths: the child dying of leukemia, the boy crushed by a truck, the freak accident at work, the teenager with meningitis, the golfer struck by lightning, the helicopter crash, encephalitis following vaccination, the operation that went wrong, the guy whose motor cycle struck a pothole, the young woman trapped in the snow, the policemen who drowned when the bridge collapsed, the baby in the house that caught fire, the mother with breast cancer…

150,000 deaths in Haiti is more newsworthy but not more painful for the person bereaved. I have gripped the arm of the father whose son succumbed to leukemia 20 years ago. I have locked eyes with the woman whose brother died of lymphoma. I have prayed with the man whose wife of 30 years Cheyne-Stoked towards her end. “Any man’s death diminishes me,” wrote John Donne, Dean of St Paul’s and poet.

We thrash around looking for someone to blame. “I’ll have that doctor struck off.” “I’ll sue the Council.” “They’ll pay for this.” Whoever ‘They’ are. And when we find no-one to hold responsible, we blame God.

If only You had done something this would never have happened.

It is a question as old as the hills. Epicurus, the Greek philosopher, put it this way:
God perhaps wishes to take away evil and is unable; or he is able and unwilling; or he is neither willing nor able; or he is both willing and able. If he is willing but unable, he is feeble, which is not in accordance with the character of God. If he is able and unwilling, he is envious, which is equally at variance with God. If he is neither willing nor able, he is both envious and feeble, and therefore not God. If he is both willing and able, which alone is suitable for God, from what source then is evil? Or why does he not remove it? (According to Lactantius in A Treatise on the Anger of God, cited by W Wiersbe in Why Us? Fleming H Revell; 1984)

This is only a problem for those who believe in a personal and loving God. The Hindu says Karma, the Muslim inshallah; the Buddhist would regard you as unenlightened for asking the question, while the atheist would say with Richard Dawkins:

In a universe of blind physical forces and genetic replications some people are going to get lucky and some people are going to get hurt and we won’t find any rhyme or reason to it, nor any justice. The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is at the bottom no design, no purpose, no evil and no good. Nothing but blind pitiless indifference. DNA neither knows nor cares. DNA just is and we dance to its music. (River out of Eden: A Darwinian View of Life. London:Phoenix 1995; p133)


Cold comfort indeed! Dr Dawkins, I suggest you try that out on the next bereaved mother you see. Roger Carswell tells us that he sometimes asks atheists what God they don’t believe in, and when they tell him he replies, “If God were like that, I’d be an atheist too.” (Where is God in a messed up world? IVP 2006; p 30)

If you want a philosophical answer to the question, one has been available for thousands of years. It is in the Book of Job (Chapter 38 and following). When Job asks the reason for his suffering God replies, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?” Then he follows up with a series of answerable questions – unanswerable by anyone who wasn’t there from the beginning. “Would you discredit my justice?” asks God. “Would you condemn me to justify yourself?”

Tim Keller points out that there is a major flaw in the reasoning of philosophers from Epicurus to David Hume, such that no serious philosopher now employs this argument against the Christian God.

Tucked away with the assertion that the world is filled with pointless evil is the hidden premise that if evil is pointless to me then it must be pointless. (The Reason for God. Hodder and Stoughton. 2008; p23)

As Job found out, just because we can’t see or imagine why God may allow something to happen doesn’t mean that there can’t be one. We have numerous examples where something bad happens to someone yet it was necessary that good might follow. The story of Joseph in Genesis is a good example. Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. It was a wicked and cruel act. While a slave he was unjustly accused by Potiphar’s wife and was thrown into prison. In prison he gained a reputation as an interpreter of dreams and despite spending many years in confinement he was eventually sent for to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. Such was his success that he was appointed Prime Minister in Egypt from which position he was able to save thousands of lives from starvation, including his own family.

As a more recent example consider Corrie Ten Boom who with her sister, Betsie, was thrown into the Ravensbrük Nazi concentration camp for sheltering Jews. In Ravensbrük, she and Betsie were confined in a hut beset with fleas and bed bugs. They began holding Bible studies but were surprised that the guards never disturbed them. Eventually they worked out that the reason that the guards stayed away was the presence of the very fleas and bed bugs that disgusted them.

Nevertheless, it has to be admitted that most clouds don’t have obvious silver linings. The puzzle remains, but if I understood the mind of God, I would have to be his equal. I watched The Longest Day last week. I doubt that any other film has had so many stars acting in it. The future James Bond played a common soldier. Even though he would one day be the central character in movie blockbusters, Sean Connery’s character in this had very little idea of what was going on around him. He just had to get up that beach. All around him private soldiers were being mown down by machine gun bullets. General Eisenhower had planned it. No doubt Patton and Montgomery knew the strategy. But for most it was simply a matter of following orders. God has a plan for us. We know the general outline. We have been given a manual. But as for the details – well it’s not our concern.

There is a logical answer to the puzzle too. Nobody would deny that human beings have a great sense of justice. If you have ever been to a soccer match you will have experienced the great sense of indignation that goes up when a handball goes unpunished. Even worse is the baying for blood when a murdering pedophile is caught. Why should this be? The evolutionary mechanism depends on death, destruction and violence of the strong against the weak. Recently, on one of those nature programs that TV does so well, I witnessed a water buffalo attacked by Kimono Dragons. After poisoning it with a bite to its heel, the lizards stalked it for several days until it collapsed. They then proceeded to eat it while it was still living. Even the cameraman broke down before the spectacle. Why was it so horrific? It was just nature ‘red in tooth and claw’. Without it, according to evolutionary theory, none of us would be here.

If there is no God, what right do we have to be outraged by injustice and cruelty?

“If you were God and you wanted to rid the world of suffering and pain, where would you start?” asks Michael Ots (What kind of God? IVP; 2008 p44).

Most people begin with terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, and serial killers. If these were all taken out of the world would it then be a perfect place? Who would be next to be thrown out? Bank robbers, burglars, confidence tricksters, common or garden murderers and wife beaters? Would that make things perfect? Bankers and their bonuses? Politicians and their fraudulent expenses claims? Real Estate agents? Traffic cops? Used-car salesmen? The realization dawns that sooner or later down the line, we fit in too.

Who will be left? Is there anyone without sin? I disqualify myself and I can’t believe that everyone would not do the same. There is a corruption there at the very heart. The Apostle Paul, writing to Christians in Rome, said, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” and “The wages of sin is death.”

I suppose another Flood might be the answer, but He did promise not to do that again.

Why would a god make a world like this, where so many things go wrong? Actually He didn’t. The Bible tells us that the world he made was perfect. It has been corrupted since. Many people dismiss the early chapters of Genesis as myth and fairy tale, but they are crucial to the Bible’s message. Without the Fall, without Adam’s rebellion, without this explanation of what has gone wrong, the whole Christian story is meaningless. The apostle Paul wrote to the Christians at Rome, “For if by the trespass of the one man (ie Adam) death reigned through that one man, how much more will those that receive God’s abundant provision of grace and the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.” (Romans 5:17). To the church in Corinth he wrote, “For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” (1 Corinthians 15:22).

And it wasn’t just humankind that has been suffering. To the church at Rome, Paul wrote, “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.” (Romans 8:22-23).

Since I have had cancer, I have had a fellow-feeling with those undergoing chemotherapy. Before, I knew the side effects and could list them for you, but I had never experienced the absolute exhaustion, never known the numb fingers and toes and never been breathless at the slightest exertion. Now I have an empathy with anyone who has been through what I went through.

There are some things that I can’t imagine. Free-fall parachuting, bungee-jumping, base-jumping, marathon running and taking a trip on the Space Shuttle are all beyond my experience. Imagine me trying to quell the fears of someone about to jump out of an airplane for the first time. My whole being cries out, “Don’t do it!” But if you have to have chemotherapy I can empathize with you. I know what it’s like to feel sick, to feel exhausted, and to have mouth ulcers and all those things that the doctors consider trivial.

Can we really expect a God with supernatural powers, invulnerable to heat or cold or even machine gun bullets, unlimited by ignorance or fear, and impervious to temptation to understand the human condition?

Christmas is past. We have put away the tinsel and the tree lights for another year. Today the shops were empty and we dine on egg and fries rather than turkey and mince pies. For all its frippery, Christmas is about the incarnation. God became man and dwelt among us. When he fell over and grazed his knee, it hurt at the time and was sore afterwards. He could have been caught and slaughtered by King Herod. At the end of the day, he was tired and longed for his bed. He knew hunger and thirst. He knew poverty. He was tempted by Satan himself. He was let down by his pupils, abused by the authorities, betrayed by his friend, deserted by his followers, mocked by bystanders, abused and tortured by soldiers, cheated by the lawyers, and murdered by those in charge. He was no stranger to the human condition.

Far from standing idly by as we suffer, God came and joined us and shared in our suffering.

The crucifixion was a very nasty way of killing people, but Jesus was not the only one to suffer it. The Romans crucified tens of thousands. Since then men have invented even worse forms of torture and murder. A recent television program portrayed the procedure of ‘necklacing’ practised in South Africa. An old car tire is placed around the neck of the victim and filled with petrol. The whole think is then set on fire. On television, the victim was a 15-year old girl who had tried to escape from her forced prostitution.

Why do Christians make so much of the Crucifixion? If it were that alone, Jesus would qualify as a minor martyr. Others have died more terrible deaths – many of them among His followers. The answer is that his death had a spiritual dimension that we cannot appreciate. The clue is in his cry of dereliction, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

We don’t like to talk about Hell. Medieval images conjured up by Dante’s poem are embarrassing to us now. But if we see Hell for what it is – total and complete separation from God – it becomes both less embarrassing and more logical. Common grace, the benefits of God’s presence in the world and His residual image in Man, diminish the evil of our lives. This world is not as bad as it could be. Imagine Haiti happened and nobody went to help. Imagine only looters and no rescuers. These dytopias have been imagined in post-apocalyptic movies. Hell indeed! But life is not like this. People who don’t know God still show kindness and concern. There is a sense of justice. If, as philosophers like Nietzsche suggest, God is dead, where does this leavening of love come from? Nietzsche thought that seeking after power was the driving force for mankind and that the ‘Superman’ would prevail over the worthless hoards of weaklings. Instead we see true humanity in acts of sacrifice for the weaker brethren.

What would life be like without it? Brutish and short.

From eternity past Jesus had been in sweet communion with his Father. On the cross that constant union was wrenched apart, the godhead torn asunder. In a very real sense Jesus experienced Hell for us.

How could an all powerful God of love stand by and do nothing while watching the suffering of Haiti? He has not. He has come and has remedied the underlying fault. Not for him a cosmetic clearance of the symptoms of the problem. He shared in our suffering and endured Hell so that we need not.

Jesus’ resurrection is just about the most well attested event in Roman history. Caesar’s conquest of Gaul; Pliny the Younger’s view of the eruption of Vesuvius; Mark Anthony’s romance with Cleopatra; all have less documentary evidence than Jesus rising from the dead. Was it Julius Caesar who crossed the Channel or some underling who was told to give Caesar the credit? We know that Pompeii was smothered in lava, but was Pliny’s account of it imaginative fiction; a hagiography of his uncle (Pliny the Elder who supposedly died rescuing survivors from the Bay of Naples)? Were Anthony and Cleopatra anything more than a Mills and Boon style reconstruction of a political alliance?

Paul says about the resurrection “If Christ has not be raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith.” It is the central event in history. The resurrection is what holds out promise that we shall all be raised. But Paul continues, “Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a man (ie Adam), the resurrection from the dead comes also through a man (ie Jesus) (1 Corinthians 15: 20-21).

One of Jesus’ disciples, John, escaped martyrdom. Instead he was exiled to the Aegean island of Patmos. Here he had a vision of the risen Lord Jesus. His apocalyptic view of the future is reported in the book of Revelation. “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away,” writes John, reporting on his vision. He goes on, “I heard a loud voice from the throne (Jesus’) saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!’” (Revelation 21:1-5)

When we see what the future is we can say with the Apostle that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory to come. We can only ask why he delays. We have a saying that justice delayed is justice denied. But that saying assumes that our lives are finite. They are not. He delays because he doesn’t want anyone to perish. There are millions waiting to be told the good news. That’s why Haiti, tragedy that it is, presents us with an opportunity. There may yet be some who will see our good works and praise our Father in heaven. We have the opportunity to demonstrate that

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches deep where sinners dwell.
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall;
When men who hear refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call;
God's love, so pure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam's race—
The saints' and angels' song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God, above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Evil crouching near.

They are like a lion hungry for prey, like a great lion crouching in cover.

This verse from Psalm 17 expresses David's great fear of his enemies around him. It reminds me of a line in a Graham Kendrick hymn: 'evil crouching near'.

David's cry like Job's goes up to God, "Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this?"

He can see no reason in it. His prayer "does not rise from deceitful lips," verse 1.

Examine his heart and "you will find nothing," verse 3.

He has kept himself "from the ways of the violent," verse 4.

He has always followed God's path; he's not a backslider, verse 5.

We know this doesn't mean that he is sinless for surely all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). But just as Job's comforters can find no wickedness in Job to justify his terrible suffering, and just as Paul can declare himself "as for legalistic righteousness; faultless" (Philippians 3:6) without claiming to be sinless, so David here is appealing to the justice of God.

"Am I not your chosen and anointed king? Am I not in a covenantal relationship with you? Am I not the apple of your eye?" (verse 8).

So it is that a Christian who finds himself suffering feels like calling out to God, "Why?"

It's easy to talk about God's will and to say, "That's God's business." Isn't that what the book of Job tells us? Job wanted to confront God and ask him why he had to suffer like that. God grants him an audience but he doesn't give him an answer. Instead, he poses a question, "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?" In other words what gives you the right to question how I run my world? You, Job, who don't even know when the mountain goats give birth; would you question my choices? And of course Job acquiesces. "I am unworthy - how can I reply to you?"

Job ends, "I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

And yet, and yet - we would not be human if we did not rail against the slings and arrows.

David cries out to God and asks the Lord to vindicate him, to strike down his enemies, to save him from such men. He wants to hide in the shadow of his wings. So we may cry out to God in our pain and suffering. We too are the apple of his eye. He has loved us so much that he gave his one and only son to die for us, that we might not perish but have everlasting life. He has sent his Holy Spirit to dwell within us. He has promised that he will not just forget our sins but will dis-remember them - not just an act of forgetfulness, but a positive action not to hold them against us. He has clothed us in the righteousness of Christ, so that when he looks at us it is as if he saw his beloved son. He has made us heirs - co-heirs with Christ.

Why then does it hurt so much? Why do I have this dreadful diagnosis hanging over me? Why am I being poisoned with chemicals? Why am I laying myself open to infection?

I know all the answers - but I still hurt!

The most famous villanelle in English poetry is by Dylan Thomas. The repeated lines are "Do not go gentle into that dark night." and "Rage, rage against the dying of the light." I quote them with approval. They were written by an alcoholic, womanizing atheist; why should I do so?

Thomas was right to rage against death. It is not part of God's plan but part of the curse that we live under. Christ has defeated death; but we are not yet free of it, that part of our salvation is yet to come. When Jesus approached Jerusalem he wept over the death and destruction he knew was to come. When he stood over the grave of Lazarus he wept, even though he knew he would raise him from death.

Of course, we must all accept death but we enter death acknowledging that it is already a defeated foe, and we don't have to like it; it is still a foe.

For those who have an incurable disease let me give this advice: don't be afraid to hate it. I have spent my life fighting cancer; I won't stop now. One former mentor told me, "It is a disease with no redeeming feature." He was right. When you are given the diagnosis, don't be afraid to weep. Cry out to God as David did, as Job did, even as Jesus did on the cross. If necessary use groans that words cannot express (Romans 8:26).

These are your real feelings. If you think you have to put on a brave face you will alienate yourself from your spouse, who will be feeling wretched and wondering how you can face this with equanimity when he or she is so distraught. Honesty between you will break down.

The psalm ends "And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.

That is how it ends.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Darkness at Noon.

Are you afraid of the dark? It is a natural fear. Psalm 91:5 tells us that we will not fear the terror of the night, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, if we dwell in the shelter of the most high God.

But what are we to make of the darkness that came over the whole land from the sixth hour to the ninth hour of the day of Christ's crucifixion? Some say it was an eclipse of the sun, but Passover is held at the time of the full moon when the moon is in the wrong position to eclipse the sun. Some say it was a merely local phenomenon due to heavy storm clouds, but the Bible says "the sun stopped shining."

The lyrics of the old Spiritual, "Were you there when they crucified my Lord?" go on to ask "Were you there when the sun refused to shine?" and they have been pinched by the likes of Led Zeppelin and Richard Hawley as pop song words. Even so this wasn't a darkness caused by simply a withdrawing of the sun's light in appropriate homage to what was happening on the cross. This was not a passive darkness; it was active and terrifying.

Darkness was one of the Mosaic plagues brought upon Egypt, the last plague before the death of the firstborn. "Stretch out your hand towards the sky so that darkness will spread over Egypt - darkness that can be felt." This is the plague that made Pharaoh declare to Moses, "Get out of my sight! Make sure you do not appear before me again!" as the Egyptian ruler despised his last chance of salvation.

We look forward to the day of the Lord, when Christ shall return bringing with him the glorious dead, when we shall rise and meet him in the air, when the trumpets shall sound and the angels shall sing; but wait! For some it will be terrifying.

Hear what Amos says, "In that day," declares the Sovereign LORD, "I will make the sun go down at noon and darken the earth in broad daylight."

Joel chapter 2 pictures this day as a day of wrath with the Lord at the head of a mighty army of destruction drawn up for battle. "For the day of the LORD is coming. It is close at hand; a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and blackness."

"Before them the earth shakes, the sky trembles, the sun and moon are darkened, and the stars no longer shine." "The day of the LORD is great. It is dreadful. Who can endure it?"

Zephaniah 1:15 describes it as "That day will be a day of wrath, a day of distress and anguish, a day of trouble and ruin, a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and blackness."

I am a fantasy and science fiction fan, partly because I see in many religious overtones - in Tolkien and CS Lewis they are very obvious. Another writer, whose name is more associated with horror, but often writes in much the same genre is Stephen King. The film, "The Green Mile" starring Tom Hanks is adapted from King's book of the same name. In it a huge black man, John Coffey (played by Michael Clarke Duncan) who is unjustly on death row for rapes and murders committed by someone else. Apart from being afraid of the dark, Coffey has a supernatural gift of healing, in which he seems to suck the badness out of the victim. It makes him suffer when he does this and he eventually discharges the evil as a swarm of black flies.

This is of course a picture of Christ, signalled by Coffey's initials, JC.

The darkness at the cross is a picture of the wrath of God being heaped on the tortured Jesus. We are the beneficiaries of this sacrifice. It is not our physical healing, but our spiritual health that is being rectified. We receive his righteousness as he receives our punishment.

When I was teaching Sunday school I used to do a small science experiment. I put an iron nail in a flask of copper sulphate. When you do this, the iron replaces the copper in the solution, forming ferrous sulphate and the red copper is deposited in the surface of the nail. I used to say that this was a picture of substitutionary atonement; the blue sin was removed from the solution by the red 'blood' on the nail.

The equation for the reaction being:
Fe + CuSO4 = Cu + FeSO4

II Corinthians 5:21 puts it better: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

First chemotherapy

Chemotherapy comes in all sorts of guises. The sort you get for abdominal cancer is very different from what you get for CLL.

The ‘chlorambucil’ of GI malignancies is 5-fluorouracil. How it works is this: DNA has four bases – adenine, cytosine, guanine and thymidine, RNA is very similar but instead of thymidine it has uracil. The body’s only source of thymidine in to make it from uracil. The idea is to feed the body modified uracil, with a fluorine atom stuck on so that when it is converted to thymidine, the stuck on fluorine prevents the DNA from replicating and therefore the cancer cell cannot divide.

The enzyme that does the conversion is called thymidine synthetase and the co-enzyme for the reaction is folinic acid. The idea is that giving excess folinic acid forces the reaction down this pathway and enhances the effect. Clinical trials have shown that this cheap vitamin greatly improves the performance of the drug.

The second drug is oxaliplatin which is one of a series of platinum compounds discovered when researchers tried passing an electric current through cancer cells in tissue culture. They found that the cancer cells died around the platinum electrodes. One of these drugs was developed by a boy in my class at school when he was doing his PhD. He is now a professor at Princeton. He was always cleverer than I.

This combination has some strange side effects. As well as marrow suppression, which is very common with all chemotherapy it can cause diarrhea and vomiting, but there are medicines to prevent these. The really strange thing is cold induced pins and needles. This means no cold drinks or going to the fridge. Even getting a clean shirt from the drawer can trigger it – put it in the airing cupboard first.

This in fact is the only side effect that I have had – it is disconcerting rather than unpleasant.

The other interesting thing is how the 5-fluorouracil is delivered. It is pumped in at a constant rate over 46 hours by a pump with no moving parts. The drug is contained in a thick walled balloon with a slow puncture, which deflates in exactly 46 hours. Very clever these Americans.

The pump is disconnected tomorrow and restarts in two weeks. The other noticeable change in me is the effect of one of the anti-sickness pills. Dexamethasone is a very strong steroid drug used for all sorts of anti-cancer effects, but also to prevent vomiting. It made me as high as a kite. I didn’t dare blog yesterday when under its full influence. Goodness knows what I said to my pastor when he came to visit, Garrulous isn’t in it.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Getting priorities right

Very early in Jesus' ministry he was enjoying great success as a healer. It started with Simon Peter's mother-in-law. He had come to her house after synagogue where he had cast an evil spirit out of a man. After sunset, when the Sabbath had ended crowds of people appeared bringing their sick for healing. Mark tells us that the whole town had gathered at the door. I guess that had he stuck at it, he could have cured every disease in Galilee. And people would have been prepared to pay - not the poor, of course, he would have done those pro bono - there were plenty of rich people with nasty diseases, just as there are today.

I think of the plastic surgeons who see plainness or flat-chestedness as a disease, the liposuckers and stomach staplers who make a fine living out of other people's excess. It really is possible to make a very good living out of sickness.

The next day as the crowds began to gather Jesus was nowhere to be seen. You see, very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus had got up, left the house and gone to a solitary place to pray. Peter went out to look for him and when he eventually located him I guess he was a bit cross. I wouldn't have been at all surprised if Peter had been going around drumming up business. "You should see the guy who's staying with us. He even healed my wife's mother."

"This is where you are. Everybody's waiting. They're all looking for you."

But Jesus knew his ministry in that place had finished. He said, "Let's go somewhere else. To the villages nearby, for instance. I might get a chance to preach there if all the sick have come to Capernaum. That's what I have come for, you know, to preach, not to heal."

I guess that the most common prayer is for healing. We all know someone who is sick. Whether it is a husband or wife, a mother or father, a son or daughter. Even if its only me. Of course, we want to pray for them, it is right that we should. I guess we would all like a miracle.

Now, miracles do happen; these extraordinary, supernatural events, when the cancer is there one minute and gone the next. But the point is that they are extraordinary. In Jesus's day they had almost become ordinary. Wherever he went he did miracles. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that is not the case today. Dr Brand the famous surgeon to the lepers of India wrote that in all his long years of practise he had never seen one. In 42 years of practice I have never seen one. Dr May, a Christian GP of Southampton has investigated thousands of supposed healing miracles, but has never been able to substantiate one. We don't have to go as far as saying that miracles don't happen, just that miracles in this age, certainly where they can be tested for scientifically, are very rare indeed.

Why should that be so? Has God stopped caring for his people? In John's gospel miracles are called 'signs' by the author, and that is why there were so many around Jesus. The miracles authenticated Jesus' message, just as the staff turning to a snake was meant to authenticate Moses' message to Pharaoh.

For a while, miracles accompanied the message of the Apostles, again to authenticate that they were speaking with the voice of God, but by the end of the Acts of the Apostles the miracles had begun to peter out.

Jesus has not stopped caring for his people, but all along he has had a different agenda. Preaching not healing was his priority. What did he preach? "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news. This message has been authenticated by the resurrection of Jesus and by the words of Scripture.

So continue to pray for me. By all means pray that I may be healed. Pray for my physicians that they make the right decisions. Pray for the nurses that they do their jobs correctly and kindly. Pray that my cancer will respond to the treatment. Pray for the scientists that they may discover more effective treatment. Pray for the pharmaceutical companies that they make the right investment decisions over which drugs will be invested in. Pray for the regulators that they do not hold back the regulation of effective drugs. But most of all pray that I might be useful in spreading the gospel to those who are perishing.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Realized eschatology

The problem is realized eschatology. When I was a callow youth I rudely asked my landlord, a Church of England vicar, "Are you saved?" He replied, in words not his own and too deep for me at the time, "I have been saved, I am being saved, I will be saved."

In the first chapter of 1 Peter these words are played out. We have been saved. Verse 3 "In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead."

We are being saved. Verse 6-7 "Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine."

We will be saved. Verses 7-9: "When Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Some Christians insist that since we have been saved we should enjoy the benefits of heaven now. We should never get ill, we should never have our children go off the rails, our parents should never become demented, we should have a nice house a nice job and live in a nice part of town. Unemployment, bankruptcy, sickness, divorce, cancer and paralysis are not for the Christian, or if they are then they are easily prayed away. Sorry folks, but life ain't like that, and if you think they are you are heading for disappointment. Sure, there are answers to prayer, but often the answer is no, my grace is sufficient for you.

Jesus' promise was that in this world you will have tribulation. Suffering is part of being a christian. In Romans 8:17 Paul writes "Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

We are tempted when we are hurt to think we have been abandoned by God, or that there is no God, or that we cannot be a real Christian, or that we are not one of the elect. On the contrary, when we suffer it is sure evidence that we are co-heirs with Christ. (Suffering because you have robbed a bank doesn't count - that is called punishment.)

But still we have the promise of glory, where he will wipe all tears from our eyes.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

For such a time as this

Esther had won a beauty contest, married a king, and from her position of influence had uncovered a plot to kill all the Jews. She had a mentor, Mordecai, who told her, "You didn't get into this position by accident. Who knows but that you have come to Royal position for such a time as this." (Esther 4:14) And so she had. The task before her was to approach the king (very dangerous in those days) and expose the plot.

I don't suppose that Mr Bates relished having multiple myeloma and he must have been even more disappointed to die from it only six months later. He never even knew what it was all about, but I was sent to take a blood sample from him when he got the diagnosis. He took that opportunity to witness to me and invite me to his church. Perhaps he witnessed to many people, I don't know. He never knew it, but the Sunday after he died I visited his church for the first time and if he had not died I doubt that the preacher would have preached that particular sermon that led to my conversion. I hope Mr Bates was given the good news when he arrived in heaven. He may not have understood but his widow did and so did the members of the prayer group that had been praying about those whom he witnessed to.

When disaster falls upon us we are often perplexed as to why. What have I ever done to deserve this? What sort of God are you to bring this upon me? Is there a God at all? The questions slip easily onto out lips. But we do have a God who cares and his main priority is to save souls from Hell. He is not willing that any should perish, but that all should turn from their wicked ways and live. It is certain that unless the Lord returns we shall all fall sick and die.

The sheriff surrounded by superior weaponry is apt to say, "You may kill me, but I'll certainly take some of you with me."

I'm going to heaven, but I hope to take some of you with me.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Hickman line inserted

Today I had my Hickman line inserted. We first started inserting these about 25 years ago. The idea is that we have long term access to a central vein so that the injected drugs will not damage small blood vessels and multiple injections are not necessary. The risk of leaving a line in so long (up to 6 months in my case) is that it will become infected. To avoid this a tunnel is made so that the line emerges from the skin some distance from where it enters the vein.

We used to use them in patients with acute leukemia, where we easily used up peripheral veins with multiple punctures, and where infections were very likely. They were very successful. In those days we used to insert them blind, judging where they should go from measuring so far from the middle of the collar bone. Nowadays, the line inserted under X-ray control, although at a hospital not far from here they still put them in blindly.

You can be sedated for the whole procedure, but sedation is for wimps. My line was put in by a colleague I trusted who worked with me for more than ten years. He was very effective and I now have a double lumen Hickman protruding from my chest wall.

Being a patient is a matter of trust. I trust Terry who inserted the line, and Basil who did the operation as well as Tamas who will give the chemotherapy. I trust them because I know them. How much harder it would have been to put my trust in strangers.

There is a story of a man who fell over a cliff edge, but as he was crashing down 100 feet to the beach below, he grabbed hold of a branch a dozen feet from the top.

He called out, "Is anybody there?" There was no-one there, the clifftop seemed deserted.

He cried out again,"Help!, Help! Is anyone up there?"

Suddenly a deep voice sounded as if from the sky, "I am here."

"Who are you? Can you save me?"

"It is I, God, I can save you. Please don't worry. All you need to to is let go of that branch and I will catch you in my arms and bear you up."

The man, clinging to his branch, pondered on this. At last he spoke, "Is anyone else up there?"

You see he wasn't able to trust God, because he didn't know him.

If the times are good now, take time to know him better so that you will be able to trust him in the hard times.